I have been very sick. I tried to get rid of my ear infection by myself. That was a bad move. I tried the vinegar water thing and ibuprofen for about a week before it swelled shut. Brad finally put his foot down and told me to go to the doctor.
Monday morning I woke up early to go to the urgent care facility here. I forgot to take my ice packet and my ibuprofen because I wanted to get there and get help. I rushed out of the house at eight Monday morning, took a quick cab, and then sat there for three hours. I asked the front desk if they had an ice pack and they said no. By the time the nurse came for me I was crying involuntarily. It was very weird, like my eyes were watering by the bucket.
The doctor who finally saw me, said that I had to go to the emergency room or an ENT by the end of the day. She prescribed an antibiotic, and two different kinds of pain pills but said I needed to go to the ER because she couldn’t see the inside of my ear. She tried four times to shove the ear magnifying thing in my ear. I was openly crying by the end. The only small good is that the doctor somehow magically conjured up with an ice pack for me.
I called a cab, and then I called my husband and bawled. I am sure the cabbie thought I was crazy. I didn’t know what to do. I was asking Brad what I should do and he said he was going to come home. He decided that he wanted to be there for the next step. So I went to Walgreens to get the medication and then walked home to meet him.
I took the medicine and the promptly feel asleep on the love seat. Brad asked if I wanted to nap before going to the ER but I wanted to get it over with. We walked to the ER, and then waited for almost two hours in the heat. I was sweating so much I took off my shrug and wrapped it around my head, and I don’t like to show my upper arms in public. I then was shuttled into a very large closet to sweat privately with my husband who maintains that my anxiety caused me to start talking like a crazy person (I still don’t know what all I said) and then I fell asleep in a sweaty lump on a plastic wrapped mattress bench.
I woke up to them stuffing a cigarette butt into my swollen ear. They called it a wick and they said it was the only way that the new drops they were prescribing would get into my ear.
After that I don’t remember much, I know I cried a lot. I won’t even talk about when I had to go to the ENT later that week for a follow up and had a panic attack due to some traumatic nose cauterization in my youth. Grandma says I need to suck it up.
I was in a lot of pain that day and I was thinking about all the distress I have put on my body. I was feeling particularly abused and used when I went to bed that night. Brad started to slowly take his fingers and softly circle my face.
I was so in awe by the contrast after the poking and jabbing the whole day. Literally they shoved hard plastic sticks in my ear several times. I started bawling again so grateful for this gesture. Then my husband responded by teasing me profusely saying, “I know, it’s horrible. I should stop touching you.”
I think what I have taken from this situation is that I need to be nicer, more gentle to myself. I should have gone to the doctor earlier, and I will never, ever go to that urgent care again. More than anything I need to hold onto my husband and show him every moment of every day how he is wonderful. In a world where everything, even healthcare, is jarring and painful, it is really comforting to have someone who treats you as a special fragile human being.