I am a 34 year old woman from Oklahoma with a B.A. in English who is working a dead end job at a company in Boise, Idaho. I can’t quit because I am what they call upside down in my mortgage. My fiancé is unemployed in one of the biggest recessions in recent history. I am an overweight smoker and financially unstable. While very in love with the man I am with, and I continue to laugh and enjoy life, the financial strain and health problems are taking their toll. Everyone seems to feel that they are capable of telling me how to handle my problems. From friends and family to the media, there is advice spurted at me from the time I wake up until the time I go to bed. Sometimes when you are not happy, the different articles, talk shows and news stories, make you feel like you are not trying hard enough. It can make you feel inadequate.
I believe my weight has to do with an emotional need to fill myself with something. I don’t know what, or how it works but I plan to explore how to fix that so that I can lose weight and become healthy.
I don’t believe in all the different mind stuff. I mean as an Okie we have a saying, “talkin’ out the side of your mouth.” If we can’t see it, we don’t believe in it unless it’s God. I read about how to find happiness. There is advice like wanting less, or meditating, or yoga, or acupuncture, eating well, and exercise. If I read one more article about the benefits of meditating… Pick a periodical or a program on TV, they all want to tell me how to live, eat, sleep, decorate, and even have sex. From Martha and Oprah, Self and Shape, Stacy and Clinton, to Cooking Light and Elle Décor, I have received all the advice I can read, watch or listen to. Don’t get me wrong. I love it. I have subscribed to over 15 magazines at once. I love to read what to do, but I do none of it. So the definition of insanity is….
I am going to try everything, well not everything, but I will follow advice to improve my happiness, did you know Self actually has a whole page of ideas to improve your happiness. I am going to try to lose weight, quit smoking, try to get my finances in order, and learn to love the little moments. I hope to field test all those ideas and maybe come to some sort of conclusion about how to be happy.