Quitting Smoking is hard!

I don’t know what the deal is, but I think I may have finally tricked myself into quitting smoking. I think that alot of stopping an addiction feels like you are fixing your dodge dart with a rubberband and a wire hanger. Meaning that it feels like quitting is only temporary. You have to go through the pain of quitting everyday. Everyday you have to remind yourself, “I don’t smoke, overeat, shoot heroin…etc.” I wake up and think I am going to smoke, then say to myself I don’t smoke anymore. It is an EVERYDAY thing, sometimes several times a day.
So you are asking, how do you trick yourself into quitting smoking? Well here is what I did. I made a deal with my family that I would quit smoking on my nephews birthday. My nephew is an unbelievable source of hope for my family. My parents are giddy pools of joy when he is around. My siblings and I have made plans for his entire life before he was born…this is how excited we were for his arrival. This baby is like my families hope for a brighter future, no pressure cute kid. So when my Dad said he was quitting soda on Calebs birthday, I opened my big mouth and said I would quit smoking. Not only that, my pushy self pushed other people in my family into it. My little sister quit chips and my husband quit soda. So there I am on Calebs birthday having to quit because of my big fat mouth. I have tried the patch it gave me a rash. I tried the gum and it aggrivated my TMJ. I tried smoke away and ended up throwing up in the hospital, not entirely sure it was smoke aways fault but you know how that is. I tried the ones you suck on and I got the hiccups. That is when I found out from Ol’ Doc Gage that I was allergic to Nicotine… Yeah sit with that for a minute.
So this time I was going to try Chantix. So my nephews birthday was Tuesday. Monday I called my Doctor. The Doctor called in a perscription and that is when I found out that Chantix was 200.00 and that was just for one month. Why insurance doesn’t pay for it, I will never understand. So I was screwed. I was going to have to quit cold turkey. I really was going to do it. It means that much to me to not be embarrassed after shooting off my mouth. I knew it would. However, Tuesday came. I made it two-three hours at work before I bummed a smoke. Then I told my boss I was trying to quit. She said, “You should try the fake cigarettes.” I had no idea what they were. She showed me hers and I was amazed. So by the time lunch rolled around my husband had brought me a pack of them. I am so excited because it is working. These are the benefits of the ecigarette, as I see them. I mean I am not promising it will work like this for everyone. I don’t feel the anxiety I always did when quitting smoking. I felt the anxiety before even trying. Like the day before quitting smoking I would be sitting there smoking and in a bad mood. People would ask me what’s wrong, and I would say, I am quitting smoking. I mean the anxiety is aweful. Now, I know I have Nicotine coming whenever I want. Which I know isn’t good for me either, but it is better than tobacco. Also my fiance likes to remind me of the other “crap” they like to put in cigarettes. The thing that is really awesome is I am not puffing on this ecigarette as much as I did the regular ones. I am slightly lazy. So I will be watching tv and think I want a smoke. Then I will look over and the smokes are on the table…and I will think “its all the way over there…” Then before I know it I have gone all evening without a smoke. Also, the same thing happens when I am busy. I can work though it. So I am really only inhaling this ecigarette two – three times a day. Now I am not smoking it inside like they say. I don’t want it to be that easy. I don’t want to create new habits. I just feel like it has been a tiny metal security blanket. For the first time I have hope, and maybe that is what is working so well for me. Hope. Just like little baby nephew, esmokes are giving me hope and that may be half the battle. Not tricking myself, but rather having hope that I am strong enough but smart enough to accept the help.

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