I am a spoiled brat. This is what I know people must think of me when I say that I am not happy. As I mentioned before my doctor put me on antidepressants. Part of that is because of the PCOS and the fact that I have had a lot of messed up hormones. However, part of it is because I just haven’t been happy. I realized when I was talking to my friend Shellie the other day the entire problem.
I say all the time I love my life, but don’t like my job. This isn’t really true. I do love my life. I have a handsome, supportive, smart husband, wonderful friends and family, a beautiful home, and good food on my table. I don’t dislike my job. It just isn’t were I wanted to be right now. I want to be a freelance writer, or a novel writer. I am not were I want to be. I mean there are other nuances to my job which make it not so fun. Customer service is a humbling job. People can be cruel, and my husband was fired by the company I work for so there are feelings there. The thing is though, It is a strong union job… I get paid good money, I have good benefits, and they even paid for my bachelors degree. Also, I really do love the people I work with. They are amazing heart of America type people all working the same job. So why am I complaining? This is what people want to know.
As an Oklahoman, I believe that whining is detestable, that if you don’t like something you change it. I have always done that. Like this blog, I am unhealthy, I am choosing now to change that. I am not going to complain to you about how hard it is, hopefully I won’t. If I start to whine, I know my Okies will tell me about it. We really hate that as a people. However, I have found myself whining about my job, and in turn I have hated myself about it.
Why not change your job you ask? Did you hear about how it is a union job with good pay and bennies in the worst recession in years? Did I also mention that bought my house the day before the housing drop? I am so upside down, and backwards on that house. Also, I had this brilliant idea that my husband should go to school full time so that he could get a degree that actually will get him a job! It would not be smart for me to take a 10 dollar an hour pay cut so I can start at the ground floor of a writing job. Not at all. So really as any good philosophy student would tell you, I can quit my job anytime, but choose not too. I am holding onto this puppy for dear life!
When I don’t get my way, I am usually used to kicking and screaming and working the problem to a nub until I get what I want. You will see with this blog that I can be pretty persistent. So for the past couple years I have been kicking and screaming inside my head, which is helping no one. I have been trying to figure out a way to get what I want and that is not going to happen for another year and a half. So for the first time in my life, since I was a child, I am going to have to accept the things I can not change.
Got any suggestions on how to do that? If you do please comment here. I know with prayer, God will help me. However, I am also of the helps themselves camp too. My friend Shellie recommended a gratitude journal, think of three things everyday that you are grateful and they can’t be the same. I will post some of them here periodically. For instance, I am thankful for my job, and my boss. She is very encouraging and works with me to help me keep my job more than any boss before her. I will call these Gratitudenals.
To my Statesmen, I am sorry for being such a whiner!