Still trying to accept the things I cannot change. I tried to remember a time in my life when I didn’t have control, childhood. I thought, how did I cope with that? Little Danielle, threw lots of tantrums sure, but I also had a pretty happy childhood although I didn’t get my way. I will say a lot of my childhood was spent outside.
As a young child, one of my favorite things to do when I was at my Grandma’s house was to climb the big tree in her back yard. I would even pack a Pb&j, Cheetos, and Little Debbie’s snack cakes. If I had a thermos of Kool-Aid it would take forever to get me out of that tree. I could sit up there for hours just hearing the wind rustle the leaves, using the binoculars to stare at neighborhood dogs and inside windows, and smelling all the different smells coming from the wind.
As I grew older, outside was always where I wanted to be. Mom wouldn’t ask me to do dishes or fold laundry if I was outside with a book, or walking around the neighborhood. In high school would sit reading or writing very bad poetry out in my back yard on a blanket, next to the honeysuckle bush. Every once in a while, as it must do on the Oklahoma plains, the wind would pick up and the smell of that honeysuckle bush would intoxicate me. I would drop my book and just feel it caress my cheeks and feel my hair tickling the sides of my face and the back of my neck.
I don’t know what it is about the wind that mystifies me so. After my Dad passed, I would pretend that the wind was him hugging me in his starched shirts. Maybe it is the Okie in me that loves the feeling of wind hitting the sides of my face. I have spent a lot of my life with chapped cheeks, red faced dry cracked cheeks, but I love the wind. I think it is because it makes me feel that I am connected to several places at once.
So Friday for lunch I walked around my building to the side yard and sat there and ate my tuna fish sandwich. It is a beautiful place, especially this time of year. The grass is green and all uniform, as it is around companies usually. There are large, old gorgeous trees of many colors. There are three big green ones, a white flowered one and a large purple one. You see a lot of those white and purple trees here in Boise but they are all small and seem like they have just been planted. These two trees in the side yard of my company’s lot, are huge. So I sat there watching the wind blow there beautiful flowers around as the sun reflected off the building through the branches. It was so pretty.
I just sat there and let the quiet get into my head. Working in customer service all day is usually loud and sort of hectic. I am sure everyone reading this would probably agree. If you aren’t on the phone talking to someone, then your neighbor probably is. Sometimes you get those people who can’t hear you and then it is even louder. So this was really a treat in the middle of the day.
I sat there enjoying the beauty and the quiet and my sandwich. The only thing that wasn’t perfect was the hotdog cart providing the majority of the smells. When I went back in, I felt refreshed and blessed, instead of curmudgeonly. I think that enjoying nature and feeling the grass and seeing the pretty is going to be essential in my journey to being joyous and healthy.