I had a fortune cookie today that said, “The first step in making a dream come true is to wake up!” Yes, complete with the explanation point. In light of what I have been going through, I am taking it up as a new mantra. I feel like such a baby. I have been in pain two and a half weeks, and it is driving me out of my mind. There were days when I had trouble making decisions about what I wanted to eat, or what pants I wanted to wear. Last Friday I spent the evening in the emergency room. I have for about two weeks been having the worst painful cramps of my life. People think cramps and think it is something silly and inconsequential, but it isn’t. I am a tough person. I have dealt with a year of painful headaches without too much complaint. I have gotten into car accidents and had my head go through the windshield. I have back pain and ankle pain, but this was the worst pain I have experienced in my entire life. Every day for two weeks I was lying on the couch, holding my stomach moaning. For two weeks my husband watched me try every over the counter pain killer, muscle relaxers, and even a pain medicine my doc specifically prescribed. Nothing worked. He got fed up and took me to the ER. Three morphine shots, and several tests later, the doc sent me home to take Aleve and wait until Monday to see my Gyno, with no other resolution.
The Gyno, told me that I had metabolized my Depo-Provera shot too fast and that was what caused the cramping and if I just went back on it, then I could stop the pain. So I did. He wants me to wait until I lose some weight before giving me a hysterectomy. He did, in the same breath recommend weight loss surgery. Yeah, it was too risky for him to give me a hysterectomy, but not to have weight loss surgery. The Depo helped, I am not pain free, but I have to go back once a month to get the shot. There are a lot of side effects from the Depo that I read on the internet during my convalescence. It does cause painful cramping when you go off of it, and it takes your calcium. Women that have been on it for a long time have told tales of getting osteoporosis, even in someone as young as twenty one. That’s pretty scary. My doc feels like I won’t be on it long enough, but I can’t take the pain anyways. I feel like with every medical step I take to try to dig my way out of this hole, I am just digging myself deeper and deeper.
I could give you the whole convoluted story, but really it’s kind of boring. Pain, pain, pain, six months of “Aunt Irma,” bronchitis, pain, pain, pain, and that’s the abridged version. I just want to say that just waking up every day, sometimes is all I could do, and I had to give myself credit. I have to remember, that I can’t make progress when I can’t think because of the pain. I was depressed because I hadn’t really worked on quitting smoking again, or losing weight. Because my husband took care of me the two weeks of pain, eventually it degraded to us eating McDonalds and the aforementioned Chinese food again. But mysteriously I had lost two pounds at my doctor’s appointment, small favors from heaven.
I am finally feeling better, and refuse to get sick again. I am going to push on through. I have to lose 24 more pounds before I can have my hysterectomy which I desperately need. These complications from my Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, are ruining my life. I didn’t include this earlier and think I should have, this web site has a definition of PCOS, http://www.medterms.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=4981.
I don’t want children so a hysterectomy will help with a lot of the problems I have been having. 24 pounds and I will have a new freedom from pain and misery, and I will also possibly lose some medications. I hope I can do that before the Depo’s side effects take hold.
However, I am done letting this upset me anymore. I figure I have about three months of these shots that I want to get into my system. I want to lose 24 pounds by then. This isn’t an unattainable goal. It is a short term goal, and that is all I am concentrating on. I am going to start with a “Getting Healthy” party. I have invited all the people who love me in town, to come to my house, bring recipes and something healthy to eat. We are going to play volleyball and badminton and basically I am going to soak up all the love to carry with me on the journey ahead. I feel like I am going through my very own Empire Strikes Back right now, but don’t count me out for Return of the Jedi. I will be dancing with Ewoks very soon my friends, very soon.