This weekend I was complimented on my confidence. I have told you before I was sort of born with it. My mom jokes I came out and said, “TADA!” In other words, I have been blissfully unaware of my place in the social order. I just assumed my place was high and went with that. I get that from my father. He was a free spirit, bless his soul, and never met a person that didn’t bend to his will or laugh at his jokes. It is sort of in my blood to relish spot lights; to sweep into a room and strategically take it over. Overbearing sometimes, I have to turn off my power (obnoxiousness) so that people get a word in edgewise. I am the proverbial puppy. I saddle up to you, jump on your lap and start licking your face from minute one. Not only that, but I have the audacity to dance like no one’s watching because most of the time I assume they aren’t. At this wedding, they apparently were, hence the compliment.
This is again just to remind you that I am sort of a confidence expert. There are two tips I would like to give anyone who wants to have more confidence in life. One, be oblivious and two, have more joy in life. By be oblivious, I mean forget all the stuff that people think about social structure and how you should behave. Do things that give you joy without any thought to the way people will think about you. Raise the roof in a mosh pit. Wear shorts to a formal party. Give a ridiculous speech at a function. Do what gives you joy.
If you have any doubt that this will give you confidence, think about how sexy joy is. Have you ever been to the park and seen a man in his forties who is not your type at all, but you see him playing with his child. He is making silly faces and dancing goofily and you think Wow, that is so sexy. The joy and unabashed love he has for his child is so attractive.
Here is another example: you’re at work looking at pictures from a coworker’s vacation. The normally buttoned up, starched person is wearing a swim suit, hair is wet and messy, fresh faced and slightly burnt but with the biggest most remarkable grin on their face, and for the first time you think Wow, he/she is beautiful.
Joy makes you beautiful, especially when it is unabashed and full. Shameless joy can wash away any flaws. Still not buying it? Go out onto the dance floor of any club and watch the dancers. Just watch. The people who are having the most fun- they are the ones you’ll be attracted to. The reserved person in the corner, the one who is worried about how they will look to others, or the one in the middle of the dance floor making very specific moves in order to impress- they aren’t the really sexy ones. It is the one who is dancing with abandon, arms and legs flailing, grinning to the sky, that is the one you want to hang with. That is the person who has it figured out! If you remember joy is sexy, then you can have confidence. Just concentrate on your joy.