So, there are always good days and bad, and I think starting a new exercise makes my days bad. I mean seriously bad. So I told you about my toe issues, and the reluctant husband, but the third day into my exercise was a horrible day. I woke up with my legs seriously sore. I want to remind anyone reading that I am severely overweight and sit on my ass for a living. That isn’t an excuse it is a fact. I wanted to overcome that.
I was seriously going to walk that Wednesday, but then also it snowed. My husband spent the car ride to the work trying to talk me out of walking that day. There was ice and snow all over the sidewalks. I was going to go walking anyway. I am a slight klutz though, and Brad was worried. I am better in a car on ice and snow, than I am walking, but I was undeterred. I told Brad I was going to walk and he couldn’t talk me out of it. I was resolute!
That was until my legs developed some sort of necrosis. Sitting at work every time I positioned my legs one way for a few minutes, they didn’t want to move. Then around 11:30 I got a raging nose bleed. I mean it was apocalypse now in my nose. I will spare you the gory details. It lasted only ten minutes but it felt like my brain was coming out of my nose.
I was done. I knew I wasn’t going to walk now. I was sore, upset, and light headed. I happened to have my nook sitting on my desk open to a magazine with a page filled with cute clothes. It wasn’t on a model or anything it was just cut clothes, shoes and jewelry. I started thinking. I will never wear these clothes. I will always be fat, and never ever get to wear these clothes. I was angry and started crying. I then put my head down, embarrassed to be crying at work. I was lucky to be close to break.
I called my Mom crying. I know it sounds stupid and weak, but I was so upset. I think I was just weak and light headed. But I was also upset at my body’s inability to move without pain. I called Mom because I was hurting, sad, and missing her. The first thing she pointed out was that she couldn’t understand me because I was crying. When I calmed down enough to tell her everything she said, “I was just bragging about you to God. I was just telling him how strong you are.”
I told her I didn’t feel very strong.
“You’re just having a bad day. It doesn’t mean you’re done exercising forever.”
I sniffed a lot. I was still blubbering. Her logic was so infallible it made me feel really silly. I was taken aback. I said, “Yeah, well I guess that is true.”
“Take a couple of days off, and then go back to walking,” she said, as if it was no bigger deal than that.
Well that is so brilliant, it just might work! I was so thankful I was still crying. I spent the next five minutes telling her how much I loved her and missed her. I was coming back from break and about to let her go when she said, “I gotta stop telling God how strong you are, maybe he is taking it as a challenge.”
We both started giggling. I said, “Yeah, you gotta quit Job-ing me Mom.”
That is what I love about my Mom, I call crying and by the time I hang up I have let go of my crazy and I am actually smiling.
How dumb am I? This is what usually happens. I usually get upset and disappointed with my exercise performance or make some other mistake and throw everything through the wolves. I was really close to texting my bestie for drinks or my husband and ask him about tacos. That is what happens. I think I messed up, so I might as well give up totally. Then I cope with my disappointment with a couple of cosmos and usually half a pizza. But thanks to the logic and love of my mother and the realization that it isn’t any more complicated than, “It’s not over.”
That night I ate within my points, and the next day I went back to walking. It isn’t over. I just picked back up. Doc said five days a week. I will make it. Thanks Mom.