Stories that start this way are never going to be awesome: It was a couple days before my hormone shot when… I lost my shit. I woke up like any other Monday morning. My beautiful husband came in to cuddle me up, and even rubbed my sore leg for me. Then I walked into the room I use to get ready. I know, you already hate me now don’t you. My roommate had just moved out and when they took the couch they had to put a bunch of stuff on my vanity table. That didn’t make me mad; it was just a slight annoyance. When I started moving the stuff the first thing was this beautiful crystal frame my sister in law gave me. It had a picture of my siblings in it. Frankly it is one of my prized possessions. While walking it the maybe ten feet to the windowsill I wanted it on, the picture flew out.
“Oh, no,” I said frantically, “Where did the picture go?”
“There was no picture,” Brad said innocently, as he was watching these events from afar. He had no idea what he was in for.
“Brad there was a picture, it’s a picture frame, of course there was a picture,” I say scanning the room. “I have had this picture frame longer than I have had you.”
“I don’t know.” He says nonchalantly.
This for some reason ticks me off to no end. I think we all want people to be just as upset as you, when you are upset about something but it never is that way. So this is where I turn into the incredible hulk.
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! I scream and pick up the binders and folders still on the vanity and start throwing them in the other direction.
Brad backs up even farther. Just then I see the picture finally, halfway between my vanity and the window. I then obnoxiously yell while waving the picture at him, “HA, there is the picture. I told you there was a picture. Like I am a crazy person imagining pictures.”
He looks at me stunned and then proclaims, “I’m gonna go poop.”
I don’t know if he actually did, or just hid in the bathroom until there was sufficient quiet. I don’t know what came over me, but I think it was the changing chemistry in my body. Yeah, I really hope I can blame that, and the crippling pain of the cramps that accompany that process. For the rest of the day I was an open nerve. The only problem is, after I apologized to my poor patient loving husband I realized I was in this state. I had no excuse after that. So mainly I sat around work and then on the return home just fuming and steaming. Snide comments flew out of my mouth a few times, but they were almost immediately followed by shame and apology. When my body and soul is in this state, I don’t know how to get it out. Sadly once again I self soothed with food.
That night was McDonalds and chocolate cake. It is not an excuse. It is an admission. I again ate away my feelings. I think I need a go to thing for when I have this problem. Meditation, yoga, a hot bath, or painting my nails, those all sound so inappropriate. I don’t know. This is the one thing I don’t know how to change. Luckily I only get this way sometimes once every couple months when my hormones are winding down, but if you have any suggestions let me know.