When I say things like that I always feel like I am not inside my head. Heart Attack seems like an abstract concept. Dad’s heart was blocked in two valves, one 100% and the other 95%. This is not the first time in my life in which I felt the world had stopped moving. Sometimes that is all you can do, stop your world, breathe, pray, clean until the grout in your shower is sparkling white and your walls are no longer dusty, cry, and then start the process all over again. One of the other times I have gone through this process was when I got the call about my Mom’s heart attack a couple of years ago.
We are in a panic as a family. Our patriarch doesn’t understand why all the fuss guys? I am fine now?
I won’t even write my response here…I am sure you can imagine that a tear soaked, worn out, angry Danielle bit her tongue from saying. What I will say to you is that it is frustrating when someone you love is flippant about their health. I mean it is one thing to try and fail, but it is entirely other to deny the problem so you don’t have to try. It is scary. I know, but everyone is scared.
Now is the time to be brave everyone. All of us wanting to have a healthy life, and wanting to make ourselves better. Now is the time to be brave, to want things that we never thought we would have.
How many people have denied themselves love because they did not believe they could get it? How many people have been denied jobs or promotions because they didn’t ask for it? I believe it is the same thing with health. So much of the health industry is so seemingly unattainably.
When we think about words like Diabetes or Heart Disease they can seem like impossible monoliths rising out of our bodies, impossible to overcome. Face to face with death, we can either fight or die. While this doesn’t seem like life or death, while we might not be overwhelmed on the surface, down below subconsciously it is devastating. These diagnosis’s can feel like Voldemort is coming after you, and you can fight back, but first you have to kill all the horcruxes first.
I think those horcruxes are the emotions we feel about these diseases: dread, fear, anger, and trepidation. These things can freeze me in my tracks where I won’t do anything for days, weeks, years. I believe this happens to everyone.
How can we work through those quickly so that we can get to real fight? How can we put aside all the horrible fears? How can we work through the regret because with these diseases sometimes we feel that we deserve this? We don’t. How do we not just sit in our rooms laying on our bellies crying with dread? I don’t know. I’ve cried until I can’t cry anymore. Now, I am faking it until I make it. I am fighting the war without killing all the horcruxes first.
I am just going to figure it out as I go. I am going to start by doing something for my body every day. This is the real war. Whether we know it or not, we are at war in this country. We are at war with poor health. We should be treat poor health this way. I am going to treat this like a battle against the grave because I feel like it is. I feel like if I don’t change my ways I am going to die. I am worried about the ones I love, because if they don’t change their ways…
I can’t sit idly back on my couch anymore. I want to save my family. I can’t make them change their ways, but I can at the VERY LEAST walk the talk. I am going to war. I am storming the castle. Who’s with me?