So Far it’s Working!

One of those meals I would be ashamed to write down.
One of those meals I would be ashamed to write down.

I am very pleased with myself, because I of my new daily goal system. I may not be a morning person. Heck, I may never be a morning person, but I may have figured out a way to get things accomplished anyway. When I am productive in the morning it makes me feel good the rest of the day. Last post I told you that I have started to make lists at night. I write down what meals I am going to make, and what goals I have. The purpose of making the list at night, when I have the most brain power, is so in the morning I don’t have to think about tasks or the order of those tasks. I don’t get overwhelmed anymore by my hazy morning brain. It has been giving me just enough clarity to get me by. So when I finally fully wake up around eleven a.m. I have some tasks already done, which is encouraging.

There has been a really great side effect of writing down all I have to do, and what I have done. I have been journaling how I feel every day because I wanted to know how this was working. It was like a science experiment. I have realized so many things as a result.

The first one is that I realized I have more good days than bad. When I feel bad, groggy, lethargic, it is like thinking through a haze. Lately I have been thinking that my life is filled with those days. Between the fibromyalgia and the soreness from exercising, I thought pain was what my life would be like now.

I had about four days in a row that I felt pretty amazing when I started keeping track. I was feeling energetic and thinking clearly. It was pretty good and I thought it might be because I was really paying attention to my feelings. Also I was eating well, and getting exercise because it was on my list. I was really happy that my list was successful too.

I don’t know why but slicing words in half is so rewarding! Seriously when I cross stuff off my list I get a real high. Does that make me a weirdo? Maybe. However, it is also making me very happy so..

Something else I noticed is how awful I felt when I ate something horrible. I was craving some junk food and when I ate some “not so good for me” Mexican food one night, the next day not only was I bloated, I was lethargic and my body ached. I don’t think I would have even noticed that was the cause had I not been writing down everything I ate and how I felt.  I always understood that fast food could give me indigestion or that extra bloat, but I didn’t realize that because of one bad meal, I slept badly and so the next day I was seriously off my game.

I think that is part of the reason that I am so horrible at losing weight sometimes, because I don’t notice how bad food makes me feel. I don’t know if others are as oblivious as I am, but I think that not only writing down what I eat but how I feel is helping me see what I have been missing for years. I think I am different in that I don’t really notice what food is doing to my body. I am teaching myself to be more in tune with how I feel and what I need to do to fix it.

This is making food choices and exercise easier because I understand the repercussions a little better. I am excited that I am making a little more progress on my road to being healthy. I guess it is super healthy to at least know how I feel.

I am oblivious about how my body feels so often. If I have a goal, I can work through pain and hunger without feeling it. I have eaten crappy food before and I know it must have made me feel sluggish over and over but I didn’t notice it. At least, with my new plan I can get on top of that now.

Not only that, I have been writing myself encouraging things. I know that sounds corny but I am really liking having this way of checking up on myself. It is both an efficient way to keep track of how I am feeling and what affects my feelings, but also a way of encouraging my efforts in all areas. At this point, I have to be excited about anything that is working and providing more stability in my life.

status update

I started the antidepressants last Monday. They say that it will take a month for me to fully feel the results, but I can tell you that it has been a trial getting through this week. The first part of the week I was tired, so much that by the evening when I talked it sounded like I was drunk. It made me extremely drowsy. My mind felt like it was swimming through soup to get anything accomplished, but my body is getting used to it so about Wednesday I started to feel better, more aware. However, I still am having trouble getting out of bed. I slept almost 9 hours last night and didn’t want to wake when I finally did. I think they are slightly affecting my appetite. There is a bonus. I am not eating as much. I have felt this past week that my mouth was smaller than usual. Weird right. Also if I over indulge it makes me feel like throwing up. I will say this is the biggest plus from that: I haven’t cried once.

No smoking is going pretty good. I have only been smoking about 3 smokes a week. I don’t know why I am even doing that. I am starting to hate this smell, which I think is common to all reformed smokers so that is making me feel confident in my ability to finally quit. I know there are so many benefits to quitting. My Doctor said my circulation will get better, I will have less ear infections, I won’t stink, I will breathe better, and my husband will be really happy! He thinks that the antidepressants are the key to me finally quitting for good. That is probably helpful, as I have said before, I have tried almost everything. I am at the point were I have no choice. I have backed myself in a corner on purpose. I have told all my family and friends. I have showed confidence, and I am determined. It is a slow process.

I am still in the no smoking part of my get healthy project, which I am giving myself time and patience for, but my husband and I were talking about food last night. We have decided to start looking for ways to get out 5-9 fruits and veggies everyday. We decided rather than start with restricting each other since I am quitting smoking, we will try and add more nutrients to our diet. It might make a fun little game. I also have a goal of looking for other protein resources other than animal proteins because I seriously need them. Especially in my snacks through out the day. Anyone have any ideas?