So Far it’s Working!

One of those meals I would be ashamed to write down.
One of those meals I would be ashamed to write down.

I am very pleased with myself, because I of my new daily goal system. I may not be a morning person. Heck, I may never be a morning person, but I may have figured out a way to get things accomplished anyway. When I am productive in the morning it makes me feel good the rest of the day. Last post I told you that I have started to make lists at night. I write down what meals I am going to make, and what goals I have. The purpose of making the list at night, when I have the most brain power, is so in the morning I don’t have to think about tasks or the order of those tasks. I don’t get overwhelmed anymore by my hazy morning brain. It has been giving me just enough clarity to get me by. So when I finally fully wake up around eleven a.m. I have some tasks already done, which is encouraging.

There has been a really great side effect of writing down all I have to do, and what I have done. I have been journaling how I feel every day because I wanted to know how this was working. It was like a science experiment. I have realized so many things as a result.

The first one is that I realized I have more good days than bad. When I feel bad, groggy, lethargic, it is like thinking through a haze. Lately I have been thinking that my life is filled with those days. Between the fibromyalgia and the soreness from exercising, I thought pain was what my life would be like now.

I had about four days in a row that I felt pretty amazing when I started keeping track. I was feeling energetic and thinking clearly. It was pretty good and I thought it might be because I was really paying attention to my feelings. Also I was eating well, and getting exercise because it was on my list. I was really happy that my list was successful too.

I don’t know why but slicing words in half is so rewarding! Seriously when I cross stuff off my list I get a real high. Does that make me a weirdo? Maybe. However, it is also making me very happy so..

Something else I noticed is how awful I felt when I ate something horrible. I was craving some junk food and when I ate some “not so good for me” Mexican food one night, the next day not only was I bloated, I was lethargic and my body ached. I don’t think I would have even noticed that was the cause had I not been writing down everything I ate and how I felt.  I always understood that fast food could give me indigestion or that extra bloat, but I didn’t realize that because of one bad meal, I slept badly and so the next day I was seriously off my game.

I think that is part of the reason that I am so horrible at losing weight sometimes, because I don’t notice how bad food makes me feel. I don’t know if others are as oblivious as I am, but I think that not only writing down what I eat but how I feel is helping me see what I have been missing for years. I think I am different in that I don’t really notice what food is doing to my body. I am teaching myself to be more in tune with how I feel and what I need to do to fix it.

This is making food choices and exercise easier because I understand the repercussions a little better. I am excited that I am making a little more progress on my road to being healthy. I guess it is super healthy to at least know how I feel.

I am oblivious about how my body feels so often. If I have a goal, I can work through pain and hunger without feeling it. I have eaten crappy food before and I know it must have made me feel sluggish over and over but I didn’t notice it. At least, with my new plan I can get on top of that now.

Not only that, I have been writing myself encouraging things. I know that sounds corny but I am really liking having this way of checking up on myself. It is both an efficient way to keep track of how I am feeling and what affects my feelings, but also a way of encouraging my efforts in all areas. At this point, I have to be excited about anything that is working and providing more stability in my life.

The Saturday Ritual

So much CHEESE!!!!

So last Saturday morning I woke at 9:30 and Brad and I had no eggs, milk, cheese, bread…or anything to make breakfast. I had a writing meeting at 11 am. I hadn’t showered and was really tired. Normally I would just run to Jack in the Box or McDonald’s for an egg-y cheesy dough-yness and fake hash browns. I wouldn’t even have to get dressed. I would take my pajama clad fat butt to my little car, throw on some sunglasses, and head the five blocks to a greasy bag of calories. It’s a simple system, a comforting system. Then I wouldn’t have to dirty or clean the kitchen. Then I could laze about in my jammies for another hour maybe watching a rerun of Enterprise. But this is not the way. This isn’t accomplishing my goals and afterwards I would be a bloated sluggish mess for my meeting.

Instead I woke up, showered put on some clean clothes and headed to the store for our organic milk, eggs, and bread. I hate grocery stores. I mean I despise them and would rather clean the bathroom, or mop the floor on my hands and knees than go to the store. I don’t know what it is, maybe the bright lights, the smell, and the noise. So it is a triumph for me that I went. I know it seems like a small thing. I know people go to grocery stores every day. However, in this struggle against myself, or against my auto response, I think I need to recognize when I overcome. I think I need to celebrate the small victories, because I am not usually victorious. If I am fully aware of my choices, and cognizant of my failures then I really need to remember when I made good choices. Hopefully, these small victories will snowball into more and more small things I can do to make myself healthy. In other words, the more credit I give myself for the good choices I make, hopefully the more choices I will make…good.

The best part is when I got home with my spoils; my beautiful wonderful husband made me a delicious breakfast of over easy eggs on toast. It was warm and filling and didn’t make me feel like a beached whale. This could work for me yet.