Can Fibro be funny?

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It is really cold here. I have to bundle up to go to the Physical Therapists office.

This morning I was heading out to the physical therapist’s office for my noon appointment when I got a phone call. I had already done the necessary checklist: appliances turned off, clothes in their proper places, face made up, hair done, keys, vapes, phone etc. I double checked all of those things because my brain was feeling asleep. You know that feeling where you haven’t gotten enough sleep or you haven’t eaten? When you have fibromyalgia, they call it fibro fog and it can happen even after eight hours and a full protein filled breakfast. So, it’s sort of random.

Then I got the phone call. While talking to this person I closed up the apartment and walked to the elevator. When we got off the phone I ran back to the door and checked. I hadn’t locked the apartment door. I locked it and then walked two blocks to the bus stop. As I was walking up, I panicked. I thought Did I bring the bus tokens? I walked quickly to the bus and took off my backpack and put it on the bench to search. As I removed it, I noticed my shoulder felt weird. I reached up and there was a zip lock baggie underneath my bra strap.

Okay I know that sounds weird, like I was rolling on a bed of zippies and one just got stuck, but no. I have an icepack that started leaking so we put it in two ziplock bags. I stick it under my bra strap because my shoulder swells up for no reason. So I have to put on an icepack every morning. I asked my doc about it, they have no idea. So I took off the ziplock and found the tokens in my book bag. I have no clue how they got in there. I mean I must of put them there but I don’t remember. I sighed in relief and slumped down to wait for the bus, but I couldn’t remember which one so I asked the next two buses, “Do you go to thirty seventh?” Finally one guys said, “No you want the twenty one.” After I was on the bus I remembered I could have just looked it up on my phone and I was going to thirty eighth.

Just as I was coming to this revelation, husband texted me, “Did you eat?” I said, “Ummmm….no…I forgot.” Then I was thinking, dang it, I wasn’t hungry until he said something, but my appointment was at noon so I had no time to get anything.

I reached my appointment desk and said, “I have an appointment with Melody. My name is Danielle Toone.”

She replied, “Her name is Melinda, right?”

I said, “Yeah, what did I say?”

“Melody.”

“Oh, sorry.”

“Also, your appointment is at 1:00.”

Once I was down in the restaurant sitting at the table free from any more decisions I thought about the fact that before fibro I would have beaten myself up for days about all of these mistakes. I just thought I was ditsy. Nope, I just have episodes of dits, do to that fickle bitch fibro. Don’t get me wrong Melinda has been the most amazing medical professional to me so I feel bad about messing up her name, but I know why it happened and it’s a relief. I’m not mean spirited or an idiot. That is a relief. Sometimes I can make people laugh with my stories and that is fun too (comic relief.)

I am just now getting into fibromyalgia social media to notice the influx of other people who suffer from this phenomenon. I am an intelligent women who is struck with momentary loss of brain. That’s all. It is horribly inconvenient, and mildly embarrassing, but at least I know what to call it and it’s only temporary. I think we should call it #fibrofunny instead of #fibrofog. I much more prefer to think of it as something that doesn’t change me. Fibro fog sounds like something that is debilitating and blinding. I want to be able to say Well this just happens and laugh it off. So, I have fibro funnies. That’s it. Then the next day, or even later that day I am back to be the smart, sexy friend you know and love.

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If I knew anything about street artists, I would tell you who did this, but I love it.

 

Inspiration Everywhere

Noelle Pikus-Pace Sochi 2014 Olympics
She won the silver!!!!! She is a Mom of two! What a badass!

 

 

This February’s Self had an article that had Olympic athletes passing on their inspirational habits. There were a few that seemed like they were speaking right to me. I’ve already talked about one, here is the second one:

 

“If I feel scared, I think of what I’m worried about and flip it on a positive thought. Instead of ‘What if I step on my sled?’ I say, ‘Keep your eyes focused on your feet.’”- Noelle Pikus-Pace

Pikus-Pace participates in the Skeleton. First thing I had to do what look Skeleton up. I had no idea what that could possibly be. Apparently that is where they ride a sled down a really long icy slop. FACE DOWN. That sounds super scary. So I am thinking this woman has balls of steel. I mean it is one thing that she is an athlete but she this seems like a really dangerous sport. That puts this quote in perspective for me. I like gutsy women and like to follow their advice.

This quote is how I have been feeling about most exercise, and I am guessing other people do to. I know Brad, my husband, did when we went to the gym. There are so many doubts that can go through people’s minds when losing weight. What if we turned them all positive like Pikus-Pace? Instead of saying What if people stare at me at the gym because I am fat, we thought I am gonna bring it at the gym so people will look at me with admiration. Instead of what if I get bored, we turned it around and said I am going to make my exercise fun. I guess this seems like common sense when you spell it out this way, but I can’t say I always do that. I can’t say that I think about it like that so logically. Fears come up so intensely sometimes that I almost can’t.

My fear is mostly failure. I don’t believe it is unfounded. You don’t get this chubby without failing at trying to lose weight. I haven’t been oblivious all this time. I have failed over and over again. If I focused on all those failures I would be paralyzed. Sometimes I am, sometimes like last week I give up for a night because of the feeling I get that it is all fruitless. I mean how pathetic is it to say I give up. I might as well enjoy my vices than live longer.  I realize the stupidity of it all, but emotions like pity and fear sometimes have no logic. When I am in that state it is hard to pull back, but maybe I need to have a planned logic that I use when this happens. Maybe I need to have something I say to myself. For instance, instead of I may fail, I will say I have planned for this. I will follow the plan.  

That can be my mantra. Brad and I have planned our meals as best we can. I have planned my exercise. We really have been more prepared this time than last time. I know that I have failed at so many things before and eventually been triumphant (college, quitting smoking.) I can do this. So my positive spin is going to be I have planned for this. I will follow the plan.

Do you have a positive spin you have put on your fears? Has it worked for you? Please share it here.