Will I recover?

It ain’t pretty

I need a pep talk. Not just of the normal, you can do it, kind of thing. I need a slap to the face kind of, kill or be killed thing. I have had a sinus infection. I really do hate them. I have been feeling like there is a large metal bearing rolling around in my head. I am super blocked, and I am eating everything in sight. I feel like a vacuum cleaner. Believe it or not, when I eat I can actually breathe. I don’t understand what it is. I put something in my mouth and my air passages normally clear. I just wanna eat constantly. I have been choosing pretty good things, most of the time, but still not the best.

The problem is that when you start down a road, it is hard to turn around. I have been lying around watching Lethal Weapon marathons, and stuffing my face with popcorn, cheese, pepperoni, homemade chicken noodles, mashed potatoes, and cocoa crispy bars. These things go surprisingly well with hot tea, Mentholatum and cough drops. I am a sluggish ball of blankets mottled into the couch. My face, in the middle around the mouth and nose is red, broken, and peeling. My head hurts. I am still healing. I know, right give myself a break, but what is gonna happen when I am finally healed. I mean how do you make an immovable object movable? Any ideas, runners? Or other people who work out after being sick? What gets you off the couch?

I am trying to motivate myself a little. I am trying to think about all the wonderful things that losing weight has brought me. I fit into my tiny tub better. Walking up the stairs to my apartment doesn’t hurt my knees as much. My wonderful coat is looser and looks so wonderful. My pants are in the fall off my butt territory. I have yet to go shop for new ones, but loose is really nice. It has been years since I wore loose clothing. It makes me feel super skinny even though I am not. I don’t have the indigestion I used to. I am wearing clothes I couldn’t a couple months ago.

Okay so it isn’t awe inspiring, but here are the big things. My feet don’t hurt as much because between losing twenty-five-ish pounds and quitting smoking, I have gotten a lot of my circulation back. My blood pressure is within normal levels. My Cholesterol is down from 208 to a manageable 176, best range is less than 200. My A1C is down from 8.3 to now a much better, 6.2. My goal is to get it between the healthy range of 4.2 to 5.8. It seems I am not too far from that now. These are the numbers to worry about and fear and I am taking care of things. That makes me feel good.

I am schlumpy right now and slightly down but being sick does that. I guess I will worry about getting back on the wagon when I feel better. I don’t want to let all my work go to waste. Backsliding only slightly while I am sick isn’t bad. I fear that when my nose is clear, I won’t have enough moxie to move it off the couch.

Sorry I have been sick


I have been really sick with a sinus infection and bronchitis. It hasn’t been fun at all. Sneezing, coughing, coughing, and hacking and wheezing. I haven’t been able to walk to the bathroom without wheezing and breathing heavily. I mean I am fat, but not that fat. So I have been taking horse pill antibiotics and steroids and cough medicine etc. I am mostly sleeping and drinking fluids. I am so tired of being sick. It hasn’t been fun at all. I have been so tired I slept like 12 hours and took naps throughout the day.

The good news is that I haven’t had a cigarette in over two weeks. Two weeks with no nicotine. I even had a friend stop by to visit me and smoke right out on my patio, and I didn’t even want to be near it. I am going to be one of those really pissy ex-smokers. You know the ones that cough really loudly when they are around smoke…Yeah, I am.

Next I am going to fix my diet. Now that I have quit smoking I should be able to do that. I mean they say that quitting smoking is as bad as quitting heroin. Which now to that I say, “Great, now I can try heroin!” That’s my newest joke, which hasn’t really any laughs from my family. My new strategy is to gross myself out by watching the latest food documentaries on Netflix. First one I watched was Food Inc. Not only did it gross me out watching baby chicks being treated awfully, or thousands of chickens living in one building with no windows, or cows being strung up alive and slaughtered in the same building, and out meat being washed into a massive goo, but it ticked me off watching companies pull the wool over our eyes and out government letting them. If you don’t know what I mean, you should watch it. It makes you feel like a chump for buying soybeans.

The other documentary I watched was Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead. This is a powerful movie. The first part was kind of boring where Joe the Australian comes over and drinks a juice fast for 60 days while driving through America. He is like an infomercial guy. He keeps talking about how great he feels and talking to all these Americans who of course are saying all this stuff about how they know they need to lose weight but they won’t until they are ready, or how they have to live while they are alive etc. You know they keep spouting all the ignorant things we always do. However, in the middle of the movie, Joe meets Phil who has the same decease as Joe, and Phil asks for his help. This is where the movie gets heart felt. I cried a lot. Phil is the one that I really sympathize with because he started at 420 pounds. He does the juice fast for 60 days. I was so moved by this truck driver who just changed his whole life. He now works for the Y and a health food store. I am so amazed at his transformation. If you have Netflix, I would recommend watching the documentary.

I have watched several others, you wouldn’t believe how many are on the Netflix. It has really made me mad at myself for how I have been treating my body, and how out government is treating this food crisis. Check it out guys. If you get a chance check out some of those documentaries on Netflix. It might change how you feel about food. I knew it would change how I felt but I didn’t want to change my life. I wanted to be complacent. Isn’t that sad. I knew what I was doing was wrong. I had put together enough from commercials and friends and talks that I knew that the meat we ate wasn’t handled right, and that the produce wasn’t grown right. So I decided not to watch it. Kind of like how you don’t want to know what is in hot dogs because hot dogs are made of all the wrong meat parts. However, hot dogs taste good so you keep on being ignorant. Ignorance can make you fat and ignorance can steal your life away slowly, and what is even worse is that you have no one to blame but yourself especially if you know you are ignorant.

My husband and I are still deciding our plan. I don’t know if we will try the juice fast, or if we will just incorporate the juicing into our diet. We are creating an exact plan, because for the next year my focus will be getting us healthy. I will let you know what we decide.