The Second Doctors appointment

Dr. Baxter

My doctor, as I have said before, is a bad ass. She gets things done, and has probably saved my life and sanity. She cured me of my horrifying headaches I was having for like a year by sending me to a sleep specialist. I went to many doctors who didn’t know what was wrong. Dr. Baxter had me an appointment within hours. I was cured within a week. So I feel as if I owe her. She also has a countenance that makes me feel like I can’t bullshit her either, not that I would. My appointment when she gave me the Victoza and got onto me about my blood sugar that I wasn’t testing, was a real eye opener for me. She scowled a lot. I am not saying that I made changes to please her because I didn’t but she scared the poop out of me. She really gave me some dire looks as if I could kick it tomorrow. Not only that but she was visibly pissed at me. Both of those things made me really want to do better. That night I went home and cried. Her sense of urgency made me realize what I was doing. Also, if someone who I have only met with three or four times cared this much about my health, why don’t I?

So as you know after that appointment I have been trying super hard. I have lost about fourteen pounds, and I quit smoking. I was super excited for my next appointment. I don’t know if I expected a gold star or a party, or what. I know she was pleased, and she said as much. She said good job and all that. What surprised me was that she still wasn’t that happy. She was disappointed we haven’t exercised since the pool closed. I felt as if I were defending Brad and I at first. Then I realized that I knew clearly what Brad and I were doing. I felt confident in the way I was living my life this month.

We have literally been working our butts off. We had made lists, wrote down what we ate, tabulated what we ate, and stressed about it. I had worked so hard on it that I actually quit smoking and lost weight for heaven sakes. I had done all I could handle. I was confident in my choices, where as when it came to my health; I had never felt that before. When I realized that, it felt good.

So even in the face of the interminable Dr. Baxter, I knew my plan would work. As soon as I explained to her that we were adjusting slowly. When I explained to her how we have turned the house upside down working on this and promised that the exercise would come later she nodded and moved on. I felt as if I had a clear idea of what was doing for my health for the first time.

Everything is Beautiful, in it’s own way

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At home with friends, where I feel the most confident.

This weekend I was complimented on my confidence. I have told you before I was sort of born with it. My mom jokes I came out and said, “TADA!” In other words, I have been blissfully unaware of my place in the social order. I just assumed my place was high and went with that. I get that from my father. He was a free spirit, bless his soul, and never met a person that didn’t bend to his will or laugh at his jokes. It is sort of in my blood to relish spot lights; to sweep into a room and strategically take it over. Overbearing sometimes, I have to turn off my power (obnoxiousness) so that people get a word in edgewise. I am the proverbial puppy. I saddle up to you, jump on your lap and start licking your face from minute one. Not only that, but I have the audacity to dance like no one’s watching because most of the time I assume they aren’t. At this wedding, they apparently were, hence the compliment.

This is again just to remind you that I am sort of a confidence expert. There are two tips I would like to give anyone who wants to have more confidence in life. One, be oblivious and two, have more joy in life.  By be oblivious, I mean forget all the stuff that people think about social structure and how you should behave.  Do things that give you joy without any thought to the way people will think about you. Raise the roof in a mosh pit. Wear shorts to a formal party. Give a ridiculous speech at a function. Do what gives you joy.

If you have any doubt that this will give you confidence, think about how sexy joy is. Have you ever been to the park and seen a man in his forties who is not your type at all, but you see him playing with his child. He is making silly faces and dancing goofily and you think Wow, that is so sexy. The joy and unabashed love he has for his child is so attractive.

Here is another example: you’re at work looking at pictures from a coworker’s vacation. The normally buttoned up, starched person is wearing a swim suit, hair is wet and messy, fresh faced and slightly burnt but with the biggest most remarkable grin on their face, and for the first time you think Wow, he/she is beautiful.

Joy makes you beautiful, especially when it is unabashed and full. Shameless joy can wash away any flaws. Still not buying it? Go out onto the dance floor of any club and watch the dancers. Just watch. The people who are having the most fun- they are the ones you’ll be attracted to. The reserved person in the corner, the one who is worried about how they will look to others, or the one in the middle of the dance floor making very specific moves in order to impress- they aren’t the really sexy ones. It is the one who is dancing with abandon, arms and legs flailing, grinning to the sky, that is the one you want to hang with. That is the person who has it figured out! If you remember joy is sexy, then you can have confidence. Just concentrate on your joy.

My New Nic Stick

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The high end vapes

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I am very excited because I have finally quit smoking for good! I know, it sounds too good to be true. A lot of my friends and family usually roll their eyes into their head when I say this. I mean they give me a roll it up deep, look inside your brain, roll of the eyes. I have been smoking a pack a day since 1994. I have quit approximately one hundred times.  I have tried the gum, the patch, smoke away, the step down method, and a myriad of other things. I didn’t want to quit bad enough I guess, and maybe I didn’t really want to now, but as you know….

Dr. Baxter just gave me too many bad looks at my last appointment. Not only was I not checking my blood sugars, I was still smoking. I got the scrunched nose burrowed eyes of disappointment. I knew at the next appointment that I wanted to not get that face. She recommended that I start vaping. I had heard about this before but since I have had so little success with other cessation methods I had tossed the idea aside. She says that the vape liquid has only five chemicals where as just the cigarette paper has over twenty. Now that is impressive.

If you have never heard of vaping, let me explain. It is basically an electronic smoking device. It has a battery, and an attachment that holds the liquid which is flavored nicotine. There are hundreds if not thousands of flavors. I went a week and a half ago to the Vape shop called Variety Custom Vaper on Broadway Avenue here in Boise. It’s motto is “Make a habit a hobby.” That right there almost made me turn around….corn balls guys….corn balls. However, that motto is something a lot of smokers have done. There are people I have seen on the web that have tackle boxes full of vaping supplies. It is a full blown hobby akin to the likes of cigar smokers, maybe even more intense. Some people leave the house with a backpack full of stuff for their vaping pleasure. I personally haven’t got into it that much, but my mom seems to think that I am too enthusiastic for it. I have been trying to get her to try it too, because I am so excited.

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My favorite Vape Store

 It started when I tasted the peach vape through my red vape. My nic stick as I call it, is a beautiful shade of maroon. You can get them with many designs including fake diamond encrusted, but I felt that would just get to dirty with my grubby hands on it all the time. Mine is pretty simple. I feel it is classic looking. There were about sixty flavor of vape at my vape store to choose from.

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Half the flavors you can try for free. I love free samples

What I found out when I sat down there to try it was that the experience is similar to smoking. The nic stick simulates that intake and sort of hot air thing on the back of the throat. It fills your lungs with the “steam” that is laced with nicotine, and when you blow out there is a visual that really does make it seem like you are smoking. It gives you the deep breathing, it gives you the nicotine, and you can even use it in places you can’t smoke. I bought peach, Irish latte, pina colada and fairy floss which is cotton candy flavored.

An aside: If you are in the Boise area, this shop is so nice. The guys walk you through every step of your vaping needs. They are very knowledgeable and patient. They explain all the different batteries, and tanks. They put it together for you the first time. They also allow you to try all the flavors, and it is all very hygienic.

I don’t plan on making this a hobby for the long term. I plan on using the nic stick to be done with nicotine already. There are different strengths of nicotine you can get: 24, 18, 12 and then no nicotine. I want to gradually step that down, but even if I wanted to keep this going it wouldn’t be that bad. I have already noticed my skin is better and I am coughing less. I am so happy because I feel as if this is finally the way I am going to be free of smokes.

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I got a red one like these!